Thursday, April 14, 2005

Days of Confusion

Several days of confusion really. Got mixed up over what day it is a few times, haven’t been sleeping. Easily slipping into discouragement and self loathing. Was praying for someone last night who got a lot of healing but couldn’t help feeling I had worse problems than him and was taking mine home. Also feeling paralyzed in talking about my feelings to Mrs E, which is even worse. The usual thing happens, I withdraw but I don’t mean it. I hope I don’t hurt her too much. I’m always amazed she loves me so much. Part of me thinks that if she had any sense she’d be off, but she’s a sticker, God bless her. I don’t know what I’d do, or where I’d be without her. Some other friends are also important, the ones in our help group. We meet again on Sunday afternoon and that will be good. I’ve also noticed some symptoms returning, people looking smaller or bigger then they really are. My speech is cluttered and tumbled as well. Well, one day it will all be over.

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