Weak-end

The weekend is here, or the weak-end? I've decided to go to Michigan for some intense prayer/therapy, early next year. I decided last night after Mrs E and I talked for some time and I was able to be honest about the way I really felt. This is easier said than done, as I am always afraid of being honest. If anyone really knew the way I was thinking I often wonder what they would do. If my boss tells me off I feel hated, if someone drives in front of me I imagine roasting them alive slowly on a spit. I imagine going round with a machine gun and getting vengance on some people, etc. etc. I am also interested what mechanism stops me from actually doing this. I have learned that what my mind says and what I actually do or say are mostly completely different. Sometimes I'm aware of not being in control, there's someone else in the driving seat and I'm a weird spectator looking from the back of my head. Occasionally though I am aware of a link between the mind and what I'm actually doing, and that feels really strange, but good. How odd it must be to be like that all the time, well er, normal.