Still dozing, still dreaming

I've actually slept the past two nights, rather than being awake most of the time. I even found it hard to wake up in the morning, instead of lying there for hours, watching the clock slowly crawling round towards 6-15am. My dreams have been happier though for a while, it is amazing what a difference medication makes. I was reading in a book recently that young age trauma can change brain chemistry so that we can't cope with life as easily, and this has been true for me. I am thinking more clearly, though I still feel anxiety most days, I don't fall into the black hole of despair like I did. Some things I've done recently had been on my "impossible" list for years, and I was able to do them. Hurrah. I was able to go to our local canoe area wilderness, paddle a canoe and not drown, avoid the bears, and catch fish to eat. I was able to keep up with my friend an paddling and not wimp out. I was also able to perform two songs before an influential audience and carry it off, despite being nervous. Paradoxically, even though I thought I had been doing well on phone calls, recently many have been a disaster, I was so triggered for no obvious reason I could hardly get any words out. Oh well, who knows the answer to all these things? Only God Himself. If He doesn't show me that's fine with me. As I said to the head doctor recently, I'm quite functional, even with my paralysing fear episodes.