Going on

Still pressing on.......had a strange session this week, when I could see an abuse scenario, but with another person standing at the side watching. This person was an old looking man, a bit like Gandalf. He was watching what was going on and was taking all the pain and emotion and keeping it to himself. He wouldn't speak or anything, and wouldn't take part in any discussion. It would be nice if he held all the emotion that has so eluded me these years. How wonderful it would be if I could feel all that pain instead of hiding it somewhere. Even though I hide it, it still comes out on its own when I don't want it to. When I want to go there and try and deal with stuff, I can't find it. I hope and pray that eventually I will get through this.