I remember in Hunt for Red October, that marvelous Tom Clancy yarn, the scene when the Americans are chasing the Soviet sub. Suddenly, the sub careers off to one side. Jonesy, the sonar geek shouts, "He's done a Crazy Ivan". "Crazy Ivan?" Jack Ryan, CIA bookworm turned operative asks. "It's what Russian sub captains do periodically," Jonesy explains. "They may not be sure no-one is following them, so they veer to one side or another and listen for other subs." Or words to that effect, not an exact quote. (Don't sue me Tom, I love your books). Life has just taken yet another Crazy Ivan for me after my latest escapade in my internal world of dungeons and demons. More memories, even more foul than the last, torture, pain......how much more is there? Praying was like dancing in wet cement.
Now I'm noticing....people's gestures and the like, as it was pointed out to me by my prayer therapist....when I was under pressure, I was making certain unnatural gestures and hand movements. Aaaaaargh. Gimme a break will ya? So, now I watch myself all the time....and others. Is anyone else affected? I now can see some common gestures in others. No, another age of innocence lost for ever!
Life again as we know it has changed, a Crazy Ivan has happened in my mind and I've jogged to a new course. Open bow doors, and missile tubes, it looks like we're fighting the forces of darkness to the death again. How wonderful to be on the winning side.
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