Up and running

I've sorted out the link now so my blog is back on line. To those one or two who read it, thank you. It's good for me to write down, journal style, my struggles and triumphs. They say confession is good for the soul. Maybe I'll write a book someday, if only I had time.

Here again

Here again, still struggling over many issues. Worst of all, many things I don't notice, and upset Mrs E terribly and drive her away from me. She mostly at her wit's end and endures more than anyone should have to endure. Well, another week of in-patient counseling in a few weeks, we'll see what comes up. It's only been a year since I started finding out the depravity of the torture, abuse and programming inflicted on me and it's certainly changed my like, and Mrs E's. I am now also cautioned against watching certain movies I've enjoyed in the past, as they will trigger my programming. World gets smaller, but the opportunities get bigger to break out. I started painting a couple of weeks ago and really enjoyed it, landscapes and angels, looks like a 3 year old painted it. I wonder what that part's name is?

Still here (I think)

I think I am still here; or part of me is anyway. Had a really funny experience last week. I haven't been sleeping well for years, so eventually Mrs E and the doctor convinced me to go for a sleep test. This is truly a surreal experience. They wire you up with all kinds of electrodes and stuff, so you look like an alien from Doctor Who or some cheap 60's sci-fi film. You then sleep in a dark room and they monitor you all night. Well, I stayed awake a while after I went to bed, then dozed off. I awoke, I thought about an hour later, and needed the bathroom. I called the nurse, and she said that was okay, as it was time to go home anyway, I'd slept the full night. Would you believe it? The first night I sleep through for I don't know how long, I'm at the Sleep Center.
I think I'm still heartbroken about life in general, how I've upset and alienated Mrs E and other friends etc. My personality disorders know no bounds and don't make any friends. One day, I hope, all this will be cleared up and I will see clearly, not through a glass dimly, but clearly I pray.

After all

Christmas is over (again) and the new year upon us. My posts have been interrupted; I have been really sick with a terrible cold and cough for over 3 weeks. Also, my mental state has been parlous; unsettled and de-personalized. Who am I? takes on a whole new meaning many times. I was able, with Mrs E, to host a good friend from difficult circumstances for the Christmas week. It felt good to lavish love on someone who can't repay. Reminds me of what we should really be doing in the Kingdom of God. Because of my terrible cold and moods to match, things have been hard on Mrs E, and I am so sorry for what she has to go through all the time. I hope she can forgive me. On the bright side, I received some great gifts, a shofar, and a moving wall picture of a beach. I also added up my gift cards and was able to buy a 5.1 sound system for my TV. This is a real boy/girl issue. I want one and Mrs E isn't convinced. Oh well, what's a guy to do?
Back to work today, 50-odd e mails, and lots of paperwork to catch up on, but that's the way it is. Next big event is another week's intensive prayer in February. Hope I improve in my personal life and relationships......I am looking forward though to ..... painting, Mrs E bought me an artist's box filled with pencils, oil paints, water paints, and more. Can't wait to get going.