Getting hot

After a while of English type weather, cool 70's in the day, 50's overnight, and low humidity, our normal weather will soon be here. Our Canadian friends loaned us their weather for a couple of weeks but now the hot plains air is coming up from the south. I can hardly wait.
I can also hardly wait for something to happen, I feel God is doing something new. The snag is He hasn't told me what it is. I can only guess. Work has been difficult in the sense that I find it hard to concentrate and get focused at the moment, my mind is often in la-la land and often I'm confused. I was at the dentist's on Monday, and something happened that is typical for us multiples. I must have been to the office dozens of times, and know it's on the 9th floor. I get in the elevator, and b-l-a-n-k. What floor is the dentist? What's his name? Err.....blank. I vaguely remember it's the 9th floor, and go there. Where is the office? Err......I find it eventually and arrive mercifully just a few minutes late. "Hello, err, err," I say to Sharon, who I have know for 6 years and now can't remember her name. I think I call her Gail, who is another lady who works there. I later recover after the agony of teeth cleaning and remember Sharon's name at least on the way out. Another time I was visiting the clinic I have been attending every 3 weeks for a year and a half at least for treatment on a foot wart that will soon be big enought to cover Chicago. One time I got in the elevator, and what floor is the clinic? Err, err, I get off on 3, and walk around for some time, realizing eventually I'm on the wrong floor. I eventually find a floor chart, and see it's on four. I get back in the elevator and find myself on the 2nd floor, why? No idea. I then go to four, and look for the clinic. Clue; there are only two on this floor, cancer and dermatology, and I think mine is "Derm" as they call it. So, I walk towards Derm and it all seems unfamiliar, even though I've been there 20 times already. Why is it so different? Have they changed the layout, or what? (Of course not). The desk lady is a little brisk, and I can't even speak, so I give her my appointment card and let her read it to get details.
These are the kind of occurences that happen not every day, but a lot of days in one form or another. Tuesday night I had a meeting and my speech was terrible, and it was important I spoke out. Aaaaah.
Then there is never being able to trust yourself very much. What part of me wants something now? A healthy part wanting good things, or a messed up or perpetrator part wanting to hurt me or someone? Why do I often feel nothing good happens for me, even though good things do happen.? Why am I afraid to want anything good for myself, even a nice guitar like I'm thinking of at the moment? My most common thing to do is to "put out a fleece" for the Lord and see what happens. Other times if I know I'm calm, thinking clearly and rationally (about 10% of the time I suppose) I feel better about hearing from the Lord or making decisions. Rest of the time? Err, err, err.
For the moment, I've prayed for the money for a guitar, so watch this space. My fleece is that it would be obvious and I would know it's from the Lord, or it won't happen. Err, err, err......I think.