Long live screaming

Well, I finally did it. You know....it. My wonderful counselor tried to get me to scream during my last sessions, but I was only able to "scream" silently into a cushion. This week, I have started screaming out loud when I need to. I have to thank the moronic, condescending tuckpointing company man for it. I wanted an estimate for re-pointing a few cracks on the front of the building, so he sent a quote to powerwash most of the bricks, then replace about a dozen bricks on a rear wall near the dumpsters. Cost? A mere $10,000. He caught me once without his proposal in front of me, but next time I had it there. I asked him why he was going to tuckpoint the whole wall. He interrupted me and said, "This is only a small job, repairing four or five cracks." "Small job?" I said, then why is it costing $10,000 then? to which he didn't really reply. It was enough to make anyone scream, so I did, much to the amusement of my office colleagues. Hey ho.
I've had a few terrible nights, and I'm still the person I was several years ago all of a sudden, scary. I'm waiting for the next thing to come along. My jaw is still aching away, as is my neck and shoulders. I wish I knew what was going on.

Turnip head

Perhaps this is me, or the part that's out. He certainly is strange. Before going to the conference and prayer week, I was Leslie, the enthusiastic Jewish boy. Now I'm plain old Les again, the slogger who is thinking he's on the verge of sex addiction. Sad thing is, I'm very calm about it. My blood pressure was 120/60 the other day and my pulse 60. This should not be, as I'm so overweight. I had to change my depression meds the other day as the new ones I was given aren't working. This past weekend I was thinking the "old" way with crazy and suicidal thoughts. Lucky I was in bed trying to get to sleep at the time (ha ha). The past week was quite eventful, one day I managed to see my doctor, friend/psychologist, and dentist all in one day. No, I didn't get much work done. The dentist was a hoot. I had 2 good days after my prayer time before the sky fell in, and during that time I had lots of severe pain in my shoulders, neck, jaw and face. That eased off after a few days, to be replaced, or augmented? by severe toothache. I endured it for about 5 days and then went to the jolly old dentist. He looked solemn and started telling me about having to cut through my recent $800 crown, then filing roots out....bla bla. I told him that was too much detail for me to cope with, and to just do it. Well, an hour or so later I had a rubber cheek and lip, and was drooling with the best Boxer dogs anywhere. A mere $800, plus $200 for emergency treatment. After I got home and read the leaflet he gave me, I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. He had saved the tooth, I read, instead of in the old days, when the tooth would have to have been extracted. The tooth was a small one and I could live without it, but at the time I was so shell shocked by the pain I wasn't thinking clearly. I should have said "Extract it my man," but instead I lay on the chair going "Aargh, aah, wellbbblomgingshunt," like a demented drunken bovine.
Our dog is recovering from intake of rat or mice poison, whether accidental or deliberate we don't know. Together with the $1000 vet's bill, $4000 to fix Mrs E's teeth, $800 car repair, and about $2000 for our conference cotsts and prayer week costs, this has been, I think, the most action/trauma packed, and of the course the most expensive 4 weeks I can remember. That doesn't mean much as most of my life is so traumatic I can't remember it anyway. Together with the fact I seem to have turned into the person I was over 5 years ago when I first started having symptoms, I think "shell shocked" is the best description.

Back from Michigan

Back at work again. First week away was a conference on healing of the mind and soul etc after trauma. I was worship leading as well and that was full. The second week was prayer, and what an intense time it was. I was aware that many demonic entities were falling away, and of more victory. With that, I was taken to many places of wonder and dismay at other people's cruelty. The best time was when Jesus showed me His plan for me, to be an eagle and to soar in the heavens, to see beyond the visible, to see the spiritual and work in the supernatural realm.
More in posts to come.